Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Death By Toddler

I suppose my real mistake was answering the phone. This lapse in judgment was further compounded by my sitting down to chat with my husband who called from work. I let myself be distracted - perhaps lulled into a false sense of security by the "fun" dvd I put on for the boys. I don't know how long we chatted - it didn't seem that long - but then I heard an odd sound which caught my interest. As I tried to discern what could make the sound I was hearing, my ears caught another sound - my 4 year old saying "whoa-wow!" and my 2 year old saying "uh oh!". I said it out loud, Matt heard me, "That can't be good . . ." This is what I found when I investigated:

I just bought those eggs. I was going to make cupcakes. OH - and that pink stuff on the floor too? That would be toothpaste. (Add that to the shopping list as well . . . )

Before dinner we accumulated some other messes as well, including emptying a bottle of lotion out on the carpet. And this:

And this:

Visitors to my house will perhaps be relieved to know that we save the toilet paper that is still on the rolls for guests. Nathan has discovered that unrolling the rolls of toilet paper or paper towels down the stairs is not only quiet, but also great fun!

And they are fast! Little opportunists - they always know just the right moment to pull out all the stops. I can't do anything - change a load over, put a letter in the mailbox, go to the bathroom or heaven forbid - answer the phone! I put it all up - higher and higher each day it seems. I feel as if we are in a state of lock down. I have to lock the pantry door or they will clean it out and strew it all over the house. I have to lock my bedroom door (where I have to keep the school lunch supplies or those get eaten - and not for lunch!) because the childproof knob I put on only slows me down, not them. We've gone through two appliance latches on the refrigerator in as many months. I am seriously contemplating a chain and padlock. I jingle like a warden with all the keys I have to carry around my neck on a lanyard so I can access the pantry, my bedroom and unlock the hard drive to the computer when I need to. Seriously - a little solitary confinement is sounding like a welcome break right about now, or at least a little bit more peaceful.

Today I was determined to stay ahead of them instead of two steps behind them. Of course, it helped that Adam had preschool this morning. I was doing pretty good and them perhaps got tripped up by a bit of smugness (or a need to visit the facilities) and Nathan found Jessi's chocolate bar. ***sigh***

After I picked up Adam from prek - I fed them and took them to the park and let them run and play. Then I drove around for 25 minutes on a rolling county road until they fell asleep.

Mom lives to see another day. One battle down, a whole war to go. On my death certificate I am sure the cause of death will be listed as "extreme overexposure to juvenile mischiefmayhemitis".

1 comment:

loribeth said...

I have no words. Just (((hugs))).

P.S. Your story of how the lunch supplies get eaten before lunch reminds me of how my aunt used to put all her Christmas baking in the trunk of her car & take it with her to work. It was cold enough outside that the trunk was a natural freezer -- not sure that would work where you live!! Otherwise, her three boys (my cousins) would have eaten it all.